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Showing posts with the label the monk is something to which we are committed

Monkalong: The Final Monkening

You guys. When Antonia died because of course she did since she'd been raped, this is exactly what I said to Matthew Gregory Lewis:



"WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS NOW USELESS WOMAN?" Lewis cried. "Oh, I'll just have her get murdered, 'cause since one dude violated her with his dick, now no one else can have her. She is literally ruined. I know it's 'technically' not her fault, but I think we all know it's her fault."


Antonia's dead, Matilda was a demon the whole time, and Satan threw shade at Ambrosio.

"Scarcely could I propose crimes so quick as you performed them."
#SatanShade

WHAT TO EVEN THINK OF THIS BOOK. It's just a giant exercise in "let's feel superior about Catholicism and also write the most salacious things possible." But! It's semi-famous and people still publish it. And now we know what, like, 50 Shades of Grey was in 1796. 

You know what else was published in 1796? Fanny Burney's Camilla and Jan…
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The Monkalong, Week IV: What kind of crazy shit goes on in Denmark?

What've we learned from The Monk this week. You allow a lady disguised as a dude to live at your monastery and soon enough you and her are banging 24/7, you're making pacts with Satan and murdering older ladies with pillows.

Ambrosio! What a d-bag. What, sir, so your new awesome plan is to AGAIN DRUG ANTONIA and keep her prisoner in some underground crypt sex chamber? That's gonna get real boring real fast, and also, ew. You are terrible at life, and I do not like you.

AND WHAT WAS UP WITH CHAPTER III OMG. All the things happened in Chapter III!!! The Prioress's evilness is discovered! She is horribly mutilated and murdered by a mob. A secret chamber is discovered at the base of a statue! Agnes is found! And now they're running around like at the end of Phantom of the Opera and searching for the seemingly-dead Antonia (I assume) in the near-endless caverns. Don't tell me you didn't listen to the end tracks of Phantom or even think about them while reading thi…
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Monkalong III: So much talk of delights in people's bosoms

I'M SORRY FOR ENDING THE READING THERE I DIDN'T KNOW.

You better fix this, Monk. Holy shit. 

So basically, in this section, the monk Ambrosio and Matilda bang a lot, then he immediately gets sick of her because she's too slutty (MEN), then after talking to her for 10 seconds he's really into Antonia who we're all assuming is his sister, and now Matilda's summoned Lucifer to help Ambrosio roofie Antonia with a myrtle branch and maybe rape her.



Positives from this section:

1. Antonia's mother Elvira is a badass and somehow defies Lewis's usual disgust with women over 18 by being clever and prudent and awesome. Instead of throwing Ambrosio out the second she realizes he was making sexual advances towards her daughter, she uses grace and tact to get him the hell out of her house. It is spectacularly done.

2. The silver mirror that Matilda was given by her enslaved fallen angel is a smartphone.

A confused mixture of colours and images presented themselves to the…
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Monkalong II: If you're a lady over 40 in this book, you're probably already dead

EVERYONE HAS A STORY. And Don Raymond certainly has one. Which he would like to tell you about. In excruciating detail.


So the section (which I'm sorry we had to read all of, but we had to get through it eventually) is Don Lorenzo's BFF Don Raymond's endless story about how he got around to banging Don Lorenzo's sister. THAT WAS FOR REAL THE REASON FOR IT. 

Basically, he almost got murdered by some banditti in the forest, then he saved a baroness while his servants were stabbed to death, then he fell in love with the baroness's niece, but the baroness was in love with Don Raymond (which is obvs pathetic because she's over 40 and M.G. Lewis is not on board with that age being a thing for women)

Main things we should note:

1. The wife of the banditti leader, Marguerite, makes "a sallad." So apparently that was a thing in the 18th century. And now I want to look up the history of salad.


2. Don Raymond is a dick for not telling Agnes his real name. Like, ye…
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Monkalong Part I: I lust for the enjoyment of your person

Who the hell is Matthew Lewis?


No no, not him.

The author of The Monk (1796) wrote this ridiculous, ridiculous book when he was 19. He also became a member of Parliament the year it came out. He obviously just took the Gothic movement and ran with it, and he wrote a number of other Gothic works (mostly plays) before dying of yellow fever at age 42.

The Monk is THE BEST AND WORST and we're reading it because it makes no sense and has demon nuns and should be read. This week was chapters 1 and 2 where the following occurred:

It's somewhere in Spain and there's a famous friar about to speak at a church, so no one can get a seat, INCLUDING an old (read 50 year old) woman and her veiled young beautiful niece, but two knights see the niece's neck and're like "hey, there's probably some nice stuff under there" and give up their seats just in case. There's some introducing, some awkward and pretty aggro flirting, and the knights find out she's there to as…
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The Monk Readalong Announcement & Schedule Page

It's not very good! We've been threatening to read it for years! Here it is. October, 2015. It's Matthew Lewis's The Monk Readalong Time.




MARK YOUR CALENDARS RIGHT NOW, for I have the readalong schedule, and chapters 1 and 2 are to be done on the FIRST of October. That's right, we're posting on Thursdays this year, so when you've forgotten to do the reading over the weekend, you still have Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday to get it done. What a relief. How great. Good planning, Alice.

October 1st Vol. I Chapters 1-2
October 8th  Vol. I Chapter 3, Vol. II Chapters 1-2
October 15th Vol II, ch. 3-4
October 22nd Vol. III ch. 1-3
October 29th Vol III, ch. 4-5

The free edition for Kindle has it broken up into volumes (we're reading a three volume novel, just like in Oscar Wilde!), so if you have some weirdo different edition, let me know and I'll figure out what you're supposed to be reading. LINK UP BELOW, you know the drill. 
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