Skip to main content

The Brontes are basically my default mental topic, but y'know, whatever, man

Despite all the instincts of the better part of my soul, here I sit typing and attempting to form coherent sentences. So goes the human condition! Soldiering on in the face of any adverse circumstances. Not that I'd be doing this if I had the option of napping. Then I'd say "Fuck adverse circumstances" and go to sleep. But as I do NOT, here I am, a triumph of millions of years of evolution, with a brain and the current semi-ability to walk upright and all that comes with those startling attributes.

I spend a lot of time thinking about the Bronte sisters. Mostly because they're really easy to make fun of. THEY JUST FEEL SO MUCH. Oh. Except Anne. I mean, she feels stuff. But I'd never make fun of her. Because it always feels like she's kicked around by the other two, even though she was NOT, it just feels that way because that's what the literary public's done.

Public, may you be cast into the pit of Endless Remorse and Thinking-It-Over-Again, for while Tenant of Wildfell Hall is not the greatest piece of literature in the Western world, neither is fucking Shirley. AND Agnes Grey actually shows how horrible being a governess was. Which was a HUGE PART of the Brontes' lives, but their books address it zero. Zeeeeeero. Anne had to do it. And it's a charming, awesome book that made me viscerally angry when one character acted like a bitch, and it's always the snail's petticoats when that happens.

I've said before that a big problem with the Millennial generation is we are rarely sincere because sincerity opens one up for being made fun of. And I'm not helping my case with talking about the Brontes, but they were such a weirdass meld of Romantic and Victorian, where it's like "STRICT MORALITY -- but oh hey there, whipping winds and fiery storms and illicit love -- BUT WAIT LET ME TIGHTEN MY STAYS A BIT MORE BECAUSE GOD DOESN'T WANT US TO BREATHE."

Also they're three women (after their other sisters died), living pretty much alone in this house in Northern England, next door to a cemetery (noooot thinking about their drinking water) and egging each other on with the guys they find attractive, who are all like their brother and it's weird but hey, isolated family in the 1800s. Okay.

I hate Romanticism. I can tolerate/love the Brontes despite it because they're less self-indulgent than the poets. "Behold how much I adore this tree/Oh! the palpable specialness of me." Boooooooo. You be self-aware, damnit, and you be it now.

The Brontes should be the irritating next door neighbors who sometimes walk with me to the 7-11 for snowcones. And then Emily starts to talk about the endless vista provided by the plains of Illinois and I'll say 'EAT YOUR DAMN SNOWCONE, EMILY.' 

That's all I want.


Popular posts from this blog

Harry Potter 2013 Readalong Signup Post of Amazingness and Jollity

Okay, people. Here it is. Where you sign up to read the entire Harry Potter series (or to reminisce fondly), starting January 2013, assuming we all survive the Mayan apocalypse. I don't think I'm even going to get to Tina and Bette's reunion on The L Word until after Christmas, so here's hopin'.

You guys know how this works. Sign up if you want to. If you're new to the blog, know that we are mostly not going to take this seriously. And when we do take it seriously, it's going to be all Monty Python quotes when we disagree on something like the other person's opinion on Draco Malfoy. So be prepared for your parents being likened to hamsters.

If you want to write lengthy, heartfelt essays, that is SWELL. But this is maybe not the readalong for you. It's gonna be more posts with this sort of thing:

We're starting Sorceror's/Philosopher's Stone January 4th. Posts will be on Fridays. The first post will be some sort of hilarious/awesome que…

How to Build a Girl Introductory Post, which is full of wonderful things you probably want to read

Acclaimed (in England mostly) lady Caitlin Moran has a novel coming out. A NOVEL. Where before she has primarily stuck to essays. Curious as we obviously were about this, I and a group of bloggers are having a READALONG of said novel, probably rife with spoilers (maybe they don't really matter for this book, though, so you should totally still read my posts). This is all hosted/cared for/lovingly nursed to health by Emily at As the Crowe Flies (and Reads) because she has a lovely fancy job at an actual bookshop (Odyssey Books, where you can in fact pre-order this book and then feel delightful about yourself for helping an independent store). Emily and I have negotiated the wonders of Sri Lankan cuisine and wandered the Javits Center together. Would that I could drink with her more often than I have.

INTRODUCTION-wise (I might've tipped back a little something this evening, thus the constant asides), I am Alice. I enjoy the Pleistocene era of megafauna and drinking Shirley Templ…

A synonym for 'Neanderthal' is 'boorish,' which just isn't very nice

So this article came out, which isn't really groundbreaking at all, but it happens to have been published the day after I watched part of the NOVA special "Becoming Human," so it's been on my brain anyway.

I was checking out a book a while ago called Cro-Magnon: How the Ice Age Gave Birth to the First Modern Humans, and it was all "Oh dude, our ancestors probably didn't even LOOK at Neanderthals. No way. 'Cause they would've been like, RIDICULOUSLY ugly."

This book was published in 2010. And what came out this year? DNA Shows Humans Found Non-Humans Irresistible

That's right. Your lady ancestor, at some point, sidled up to a Neanderthal gentleman and said "Hey. How's it goin'?

Because all non-Africans ('cause the Africans stayed put instead of traipsing around becoming the Don Juans of prehistoric Europe) have 1-4% Neanderthal DNA. So the above scenario DEFINITELY happened. Which is disheartening NOT because of my huge Neanderth…