Reading Rambo

What happened? Lady Audley's crazy except not, Robert basically wasted a BUNCH of time because George is terrible, and everyone's happy at the end except Alicia (poor Alicia). But you guys...is Lady Audley's Secret ...the gayest novel ever? the dark brown eyes that were so like the eyes of his lost friend. "You was oncommon fond of that gent as disappeared at the Court, warn't you, sir?" he said at last. Robert started at the mention of his dead friend. "You was oncommon fond of that Mr. Talboys, I've heard say, sir," repeated Luke. AND THE ENDING. OMG THE ENDING. All I have for my Kindle note is "ahahahahahahaha." Not ONLY is everything basically the happiest at the end, but George and Robert and Clara are living together. It's like Victorian Noel Coward and I cannot even handle it. Mary Elizabeth Braddon, I bet 50 bucks you had a lot of gay dude friends and this was for them. This was their Brokeback Mountain . Exce...

Oh man SO MUCH IS HAPPENING amirite? At the end of chapter 32, I was all "DAMNIT I should've ended the week's reading here," but then chapter 33 happened and BOOM. Some of you might have noticed the possibly anti-feminist (but who can TELL in 1862) paragraph that mentions "pearl powder and Mrs. Rachael Levison," and I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE YOU to look at this fun post about her. Also, maybe we should all become best friends with the author of that site? Maybe? Catherine Pope, call me. We'll do lunch over Skype. Because you live in England. [I]f she thinks that I love her, and has been led to think so by any word or act of mine, I'm in duty bound to let her think so to the end of time THAT'S SOME BULLSHIT, VICTORIANS. The rest of the post will be a summary of what has happened with Lady Audley, aided by Liz Lemon GIFs as I have decided she and Lady Audley are the same person. So Robert's away from Audley Court, but then finds out Sir ...

We read more and SO much happened. By which I mean Robert got booted from Audley Court because Lady Audley didn't want him SNOOPING, he moved to Phoebe the Albino and Her Abusive Cousin-Husband's public house, he chased Lady Audley to London which she then departed from looking VERY SMUG INDEED, then he dropped Smaller George at a boarding school and fell in love with a girl who is of course totally not the socially acceptable version of her brother. I don't think you would even say that, Robert Oh, Victorian Age and siblings and the weird literary sexual issues pertaining to both. This subject was my JAM last year when I was determined to prove Helena Landless and Rosa Bud would, if Edwin Drood were ever finished, be opening a vegan bakery together, if you know what I mean. Despite lines like 'I can answer for you,' laughed Helena, searching the lovely little face with her dark, fiery eyes, and tenderly caressing the small figure. 'You will be a f...

The book is pretty damn clear about Lady Audley and what she's done, but we have TWO HUNDRED PAGES LEFT. What else shall happen!  We're just gonna lead with "prancing tits" because WHAT? Knacker's yard? Go home, Mary Elizabeth Braddon, you are drunk. Ok, I have done some reading on the World Wide Web, and apparently a knacker is someone you'd bring your old sad tired horse to, and you'd be like "HE'S ALL USED UP" and the knacker'd say "Okay dokey" and "render" your horse. Damn. That was a job that people would have to do. Searching "prancing tits" yields up exactly what you'd expect, and also resulted in me following the Tumblr  Unintentionally Dirty . But upon further seeking-out, I discovered that it was slang for "a worthless or worn-out horse." So really this whole section is about being abysmal to horses. Alicia's horse is named Atalanta. Do we need to r e-read the story of Ata...

MORE CLEWS. So last week I was totally taken in by Helen Talboys being dead, and then you all were like "SHE'S TOTALLY NOT THOUGH" and now I'm slightly disappointed in Braddon, but willing to see how this plays out, because it's honestly seeming more and more soap opera-y every second. Again, not that that's a bad thing  I had to look up what filberts were (they are nuts!) and who Izaak Walton was (a fisherman!) but otherwise things seemed all right, comprehension-wise. Except for the fact that everyone in this book is COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS and it makes you realize what an amazing writer Dickens was, because damn, this is dated. What the hell is going on with George and his son? Because I do not like it ONE BIT. He goes to Australia for the boy's entire life, comes back and then is all "Naw, he's fine with his grandfather; that seems like a good thing, that relationship with a drunken old man. Probably'll give the boy character....

Oh wow, is it time for...LADY AUDLEY'S SUPER-SECRET READALONG? It is, and if you forgot, it's okay because I did too until Laura reminded me on Tuesday. But it was only FOUR chapters, which was about 23 pages, so...you could just knock that out right now. ANYWAY. Our story begins with a description of a house, which is an attention-grabber if I've ever seen one. Maybe you should've joined some kind of a writing circle, MEB. 'Cause if I'd been in it with you, it would've been like: "You're, uh....you're STARTING with the house description?" "Well, when I read books I like knowing right off where I am, so this'll set people up nicely." "Yeah, but...y'know, if I picked up a book and the first two pages were a really boring description of a house, I'd probably put it down." "What if it had 'SECRET' in the title?" "...I'd give you two more pages." I realized in the ...

I forgot this was a thing that started this week because May has CREPT UP ON ME. So okay. The way this book is broken up will not be NEARLY as awesome as Bleak House , as I have not read it yet. We're gonna go seven posts, starting this Thursday. I just skimmed chapters one through four, and they are pretty much super-short, so READ ON and then let's post about how we have no idea who Mary Elizabeth Braddon is and how are we liking the way she writes ladies? May 1st  - Chapter One through Four May 8th  - Chapters Five through Nine May 15th - Chapters Ten through Fifteen May 22nd - Chapters 16 through 24 May 29th - Chapters 25 through 33 June 5th - Chapters 33 through End of Book