Skip to main content

Lady Audley's Secret, The Finishening: "The vice of heartlessness became the virtue of constancy" and other 'Ooooh' phrases

What happened? Lady Audley's crazy except not, Robert basically wasted a BUNCH of time because George is terrible, and everyone's happy at the end except Alicia (poor Alicia).

But you guys...is Lady Audley's Secret...the gayest novel ever?

the dark brown eyes that were so like the eyes of his lost friend.

"You was oncommon fond of that gent as disappeared at the Court, warn't you, sir?" he said at last.
Robert started at the mention of his dead friend.

"You was oncommon fond of that Mr. Talboys, I've heard say, sir," repeated Luke.

AND THE ENDING. OMG THE ENDING. All I have for my Kindle note is "ahahahahahahaha." Not ONLY is everything basically the happiest at the end, but George and Robert and Clara are living together. It's like Victorian Noel Coward and I cannot even handle it. Mary Elizabeth Braddon, I bet 50 bucks you had a lot of gay dude friends and this was for them. This was their Brokeback Mountain. Except way better, because there're meerschaum pipes and French novels.

"I just like thinking about your brown eyes."

George, by the way, is not into it. He's totally the James Potter in this James/Sirius situation. Biggest George burn? "If your friendship could have done me any good, I would have appealed to it."

Not ok, George

There's a whole lot that could be gone into re this book. If we were in an English class together, I would be the SUPER-annoying girl raising her hand in a condescending way and talking about Victorians, madwomen in attics, and the overall lack of female autonomy in 19th century society. As it actually stands:

hahaha words and pictures

But seriously, this book was not that good. It had Moments, but most books have moments? I loved Clara, but she is the most transparent Acceptable Female Version of a Dude I've ever seen. What I really want and am really really really sad never happened is a sequel where George actually went to Australia (make up your MIND, George) and Robert and Clara actually do go searching for him. You know who Robert and Clara could be? They could be like Rick and Evie in The Mummy movies. But with more lying idly on the surface of a frozen fishpond, waiting for someone to pick him up (remember when that happened?).

How do people feel about Lady Audley being shut up forever for her own good? She was kind of, y'know, evil. But there's been so much in recent years about 19th century ladies being locked up just because some dudes decided they were crazy that I'm now completely reactionary about it. And her husband was all "Oh yeah, never tell me what you did with her." OMG THAT IS A PERSON. 

Finally, I'm not tellin' you all that there's unfinished Sherlock/Lady Audley's Secret fic, but there is.

GOOD READALONG, Y'ALL. Our minds and GIF folders are all the richer for it.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Harry Potter 2013 Readalong Signup Post of Amazingness and Jollity

Okay, people. Here it is. Where you sign up to read the entire Harry Potter series (or to reminisce fondly), starting January 2013, assuming we all survive the Mayan apocalypse. I don't think I'm even going to get to Tina and Bette's reunion on The L Word until after Christmas, so here's hopin'.


You guys know how this works. Sign up if you want to. If you're new to the blog, know that we are mostly not going to take this seriously. And when we do take it seriously, it's going to be all Monty Python quotes when we disagree on something like the other person's opinion on Draco Malfoy. So be prepared for your parents being likened to hamsters.

If you want to write lengthy, heartfelt essays, that is SWELL. But this is maybe not the readalong for you. It's gonna be more posts with this sort of thing:


We're starting Sorceror's/Philosopher's Stone January 4th. Posts will be on Fridays. The first post will be some sort of hilarious/awesome que…

How to Build a Girl Introductory Post, which is full of wonderful things you probably want to read

Acclaimed (in England mostly) lady Caitlin Moran has a novel coming out. A NOVEL. Where before she has primarily stuck to essays. Curious as we obviously were about this, I and a group of bloggers are having a READALONG of said novel, probably rife with spoilers (maybe they don't really matter for this book, though, so you should totally still read my posts). This is all hosted/cared for/lovingly nursed to health by Emily at As the Crowe Flies (and Reads) because she has a lovely fancy job at an actual bookshop (Odyssey Books, where you can in fact pre-order this book and then feel delightful about yourself for helping an independent store). Emily and I have negotiated the wonders of Sri Lankan cuisine and wandered the Javits Center together. Would that I could drink with her more often than I have.


INTRODUCTION-wise (I might've tipped back a little something this evening, thus the constant asides), I am Alice. I enjoy the Pleistocene era of megafauna and drinking Shirley Templ…

My Cousin Rachel by Daphne Du Maurier: DID SHE OR DIDN'T SHE

Daphne Du Maurier's 1951 My Cousin Rachel prompts the age-old question: what if you were a young dumb dumb with an estate in Cornwall who is convinced your charming, thoughtful, and recently-widowed cousin Rachel wants to abandon her native Italy forever and live with you, your dogs, and your elderly butler in a damp house by the sea. AFTER ALL WHO WOULDN'T.

Also she's a widow because she'd married your uncle who raised you who then recently died, so also this has just become the MOST oedipal and makes everyone feel gross thinking about it.




Said dumb dumb is Philip Ashley, who is 24 and aptly referred to in the recent film version as a "glorious puppy." He is so excited about some things. And so sulky about so many other things. He's our narrator, which here means he is our misogynistic, xenophobic lens through which to view all events. His uncle died in Italy soon after marrying Rachel. Said uncle suspected he was being poisoned. He also probably had a bra…