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Lady Audley's Really Big Secret: The Story of One Man and His Romantic Quest of Love

The book is pretty damn clear about Lady Audley and what she's done, but we have TWO HUNDRED PAGES LEFT. What else shall happen! 

We're just gonna lead with "prancing tits" because WHAT? Knacker's yard? Go home, Mary Elizabeth Braddon, you are drunk.

Ok, I have done some reading on the World Wide Web, and apparently a knacker is someone you'd bring your old sad tired horse to, and you'd be like "HE'S ALL USED UP" and the knacker'd say "Okay dokey" and "render" your horse. Damn. That was a job that people would have to do.

Searching "prancing tits" yields up exactly what you'd expect, and also resulted in me following the Tumblr Unintentionally Dirty. But upon further seeking-out, I discovered that it was slang for "a worthless or worn-out horse." So really this whole section is about being abysmal to horses.

Alicia's horse is named Atalanta. Do we need to re-read the story of Atalanta? (tldr: Greek lady who was awesome at footraces but got tricked by apples; did something naughty in a temple)

Sometimes history forgets things which it ABSOLUTELY should not. Lady Audley refers to a "Bamfyld Moore Carew" who apparently was actually "Bampfylde" and if you do not read his Wikipedia page, I give up all hope for you and your interest in gathering the riches of this world into your brain. My favorite part about "the Noted Devonshire Stroller and Dogstealer"? That he's holding a dog in his portrait. "WHAT UP WORLD, JUST GONNA FLAUNT MY DOG THIEVERY."


I'm not sure what it means that I'm more interested in the pop culture references in this book than the actual story. Well. Aside from the story of Robert being totally gayballs for George. Alicia, he's making strides in his brain towards you, but only because of society.

Still my lady's pretty musical prattle ran on as merrily and continuously as the babble in some brook; and still Robert's thoughts wandered, in spite of himself, to George Talboys.

"To think," he said, meditatively, "that it is possible to care so much for a fellow! But come what may, I'll go up to town after him the first thing to-morrow morning; and, sooner than be balked in finding him, I'll go to the very end of the world."

I love them. I want them to get married and adopt some dogs and take George's son to the zoo.


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