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2 Things That Make Me Happy

This week. Nothing like waking up in a hotel room, turning on the TV and watching with ever-mounting horror as a police chief says that now they are estimating 50 people have died in a mass shooting and the crowd of seasoned reporters in front of him audibly gasps.

The emphasis I have seen from almost everyone around me on love and joy in the face of anger and fear, and the renewed-with-a-passion demand to ban semi-automatic weapons, have both filled me with pride in humanity and a commitment to the idea that we are doing better and we will continue to do better.

With that in mind, what are things that make you happy? I looked around my immediate surroundings and found so many.

My Vertigo necklace.

When I went to San Francisco for my 30th birthday/Vertigo self-guided tour, I stopped at the Mission Dolores, where Scottie follows Madeleine, and I bought this. I just–I just love Vertigo so much, you guys.

When I wear this, it reminds me of that trip and how awesome it was traipsing up and down San Francisco and watching Vertigo for the first time with my friends in high school and saying the end was dumb and then becoming obsessed with it and writing pages about it in my journal during my study abroad in France when I was 21 because I had no access to DVDs and I just wanted to watch it and how I then had a Kim Novak film festival in my apartment that I alone attended.

(may contain Vertigo spoilers by which I mean does)

That necklace makes me feel grounded and connected to something that I just love all over. 

My SnapBack

I've always eschewed lesbian stereotypes, at least as regards appearance. I keep my hair long, I wear pencil skirts, and the one time I tried on Converse it felt like I was pretending to be something I wasn't. But it's Pride Month, damnit, and I'm a lesbian under 40 and I wanted a damn SnapBack. So I bought one. And it has an original Nintendo controller on it and it's great.

I bought it this past Saturday, so now it's forever bound to Orlando in my mind, not as a sad reminder, but as a determined "this marks me in a way that still seems to be dangerous, but I am choosing to embrace that danger because it is an intrinsic part of who I am."

The shirt just makes me laugh.

In the face of terrible events that seem to have no end, we have to also keep close to us those things that make us happy. Those things will keep us going and remind us why we aren't just giving up and giving in to those who want to keep us afraid. As Lin-Manuel Miranda said in his beautiful, beautiful way: "Now fill the world with music, love, and pride."



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