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Minnesota: Where I did nothing but quote Drop Dead Gorgeous the whole time

So sometimes in life, it's late. And you're on OKCupid. And you see a girl's picture and think she's pretty and then find out she's in Minnesota because OKCupid is dumb about geography, but ALSO SOMETIMES you message her anyway and then you email for a month and then she visits you for New Year's annnd then you're in Minnesota and she's your girlfriend.


I was in Minneapolis/St Paul! For the first time! People had accents and said "about" in a weird, Canadian-American hybrid sort of way. Also, you know how you read about  how People of the Past used to be all "There're wolves in the woods and they'll eat you!" and you're like "blah blah, no longer something to worry about"? That is BULLSHIT, because Minnesota woods look like they are wolf-infested, and if someone told me to go into them and gather firewood so Ma could make griddlecakes, I'd say hell no, I'll get eaten by the wolves that are obviously there.

My usual scheduling insanity was calmed down because my primary reason for going to Minnesota was Minnesota Girlfriend (...MG?) instead of the usual 'Something Historical Once Happened Here.' THAT BEING SAID — there were still doingses done.

LEGO tableaux!

Yeah. I went to the Mall of America. Was real excited about it, too. There was a sock store. I now have giant squid AND gnome AND manatee socks.

I also ate this ice cream. 

THEN, we drove straight to the Flour Mill Museum, because why not. It's called Mill City Museum, but don't let that fool you; it's just flour. Minneapolis was real into flour back in the day, mainly because...Mississippi River? I think? As MG would point out, I don't really read the museum placards, so I'm a bit unsure as to why they picked flour, but that they did. Pillsbury AND Gold Medal were there. And maybe something else, but eh. I was busy making fun of Gold Medal's slogan, which is "Eventually, Why Not Now?" Really, sirs. That's the most apathetic ad campaign ever. You know why it worked? It was 1910. The bar was low. People read that and went "Oh. Huh. Good point."

The cool thing about the museum is that it's inside a flour mill that partially burned down. The not-as-cool thing is it happened in like 1991 after the building had been abandoned for decades, instead of in like 1895 while the mill owner's daughter was there for a tryst with Johnny the flour bagger but she dropped her candle and the whole thing went up in flames. BUT the tour people take you to the top and you can take pictures of Minneapolis, and it's not that bad of a city, I must say.

Behold the former mill district!

I met up with Emily, my oldest friend (we met when we were five), who now lives in Minneapolis. We hadn't seen each other in three years, but what matters that when you have a history of American Girl doll sleepovers and choreographed dances to Brigadoon? We went to the St Paul Chamber Orchestra, because we are fancy now, and sat behind all the cultured hippies of the Twin Cities.

But we left at intermission because we decided our time would be better served drinking and catching up (aka I make her gossip about mutual acquaintances). Our search for a bar pretentiously called The Artists' Quarter ended in a security guard telling us it closed, BUT right next door was a place called Meritage (rhymes with Heritage) that was the swellest, and the concertmaster from the SPCO was there and I got to tell him "the Stravinsky was fantastic" and ahahaha that's not a thing people should say.


We also saw some people ice skating outdoors and ARE YOU PEOPLE INSANE (yes, because they're Minnesotans). Chicagoans are good about The Cold compared to most of the rest of the country, but when it gets to like Minnesota and North Dakota, we look like Floridians. 

OTHERLY, MG and I went to the Minnesota History Center, where she got excited about an "educational" buffalo carcass and I got to pretend I was a suffragette and all were happy.

Other than a lesbian dinner party (like a regular dinner party! but with lesbians!), that was most of the trip. Aside from going into a truly awesome used bookstore called Midway Books, which despite its awesomeness had the women's studies section in the bargain basement area.

in the unwanted, basement books section

Did I mention that MG made me grilled cheese at 9 AM? Because that happened and I'm telling everyone. I'm gonna go ahead and say this is a side effect of her being an almost-pastor. Or just being a really nice person. Whatever, one of those. The main point is that grilled cheese is delicious. We also went to a place called Snuffy's Malt Shop (not kidding) where we got peanut butter-bacon burgers and malts, so what I'm saying is that I'm coming back from this trip feeling great, health-wise.

I left Minnesota with two books, one of which was purchased at the above awesome-but-not-to-Judith-Butler bookstore, and the other I stole from MG's bookcase.

Guess which is which.

So -- MINNESOTA. I liked you. I would visit you again. Even though you call this a gopher when it is CLEARLY A GROUND SQUIRREL.

You could've drawn a gopher
and you chose not to.

Aside from that and your hideous cold and ridiculous amounts of snow, you're a good state, State.


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