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Harry Potter, Goblet of Fire Pt II (two more after this, folks...two more)

Why does Snape avoid Moody? WHY? DO WE KNOW? I feel like I missed something.

And DON'T TORTURE THE SPIDER IN FRONT OF NEVILLE WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM OMG I WILL END YOU


Ohh this section. I was so excited about Beauxbatons and Durmstrang. You know why? It makes J.K. Rowling's world BIGGER. And anytime that happens, I get happy. So we get the Beauxbatons girls (does anyone pay attention to the Beauxbatons boys really?) and Durmstrang hulks and J.K. Rowling continues the grand tradition of England making fun of other countries by making sweeping generalizations. 

Does anyone remember Mr. Rochester's mistresses in Jane Eyre? The French one was flighty and uncaring, the Italian was "unprincipled and violent" and the German one was "heavy, mindless, and unimpressible." But sure, let's keep those ideas around 150 years later. I love you, J.K., but daaaaamn.

But yeah, despite the stereotypes, I love those schools. And when this book came out, I super-shipped Hagrid/Madame Maxime. They're both giant people! Of course they'll fall in love. I also remember being particularly taken with the description of the Beauxbatons carriage. I mean, it's powder-blue and drawn by twelve winged Palominos. That's kind of the greatest. Durmstrang? Ooh, a boat coming out of the water. Boo. No. Beauxbatons forever.

Also, I can never picture half-giants right. Her shoe is the size of a child's sled? REALLY? Because that is ginormous. And my imagination and sense of proportion are terrible.

Btdubs, how're we feeling about house elves? It's AWKWARD, right? 'Cause Hagrid's all "They like taking care of people" and it's like "Aggghhhh that's what they said about slavessssssssss" except house elves are an actual other creature than humans? So it's like...I don't know how to feel. Are they culturally conditioned to be this way or is it innate?

Oh, and I guess Rita Skeeter is not liked by some people for some reason? Which is bullshit, because her scenes are amazing. Rita Skeeter is the best worst reporter.

ALSO so Ron is doing his book 4 thing of feeling inferior, and I'd like us all to REMEMBER this in book 5 when Harry is being a giant asshat. Because the events of this book amplify the asshattiness of his behavior in the next book.

In conclusion, I'm sorry, but this was available:


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