I got more books because of reasons

I am officially older. As you know if you follow me on absolutely any social media. BUT FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT, I decorated a cake for myself:

And, of course, despite my idiotic current state re books (OMG YOU GUYS I HAVE 28 ITEMS CHECKED OUT FROM THE LIBRARY AND I CAN ONLY CHECK OUT 30 MAX I HAVE A PROBLEM HELP MEEEE), I got some more of them.

So...Champaign, Illinois is home to the University of Illinois (where I went and it is awesome, so be aware). There are university people and there are townies, and the two clash in the Books section of Goodwill. I found a multi-volume set of the diaries of Samuel Pepys there last December. There's also, of course, a panoply of semi-creatively-named romance novels.

So of course I found Victorian People and Ideas, because what Goodwill DOESN'T have that, and also Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, which I am scared of, because it deals with Serious Things, but it seems to be one of those Actually Good YA Novels, and I'm pro-those.

Dad Is Fat is hilarious and I wanted it because I've been quoting Jim Gaffigan since 2002 and THAT IS A LONG TIME. Remember when Comedy Central mainly just broadcast half-hour standup specials, bad '80s movies and rerun after rerun of SNL (prompting brief obsessions with both Molly Shannon and Jan Hooks)? I like to call those "the Glory Days." So that's how I found Jim Gaffigan (and Maria Bamford and Jackie Kashian and Kathleen Madigan and Wanda Sykes, but I digress) and I'm really really psyched to read his book, because he posted the first chapter online and all I wanted was to read more of it. NOW THAT OPPORTUNITY IS HERE.

I also ordered Vindication of the Rights of Woman, because Barnes and Noble didn't have it. Yeah. I know. The girl working there and I were indignant. I had a library copy, but I need my own so I can mark it up with things like "SASSINESS" and "I'll bet Mary Wollstonecraft really would've appreciated that Meredith Brooks song." (side note: that song was on repeat when I read Simone de Beauvoir's The Second Sex in college and that experience is THE BEST).

For New York, I packed Where'd You Go, Bernadette?, Dad Is Fat, Speak, and Alice Paul and the Battle for the Ballot, because I am OBSESSED with this vid and if you haven't watched it at least ten times, I don't get your priorities because omg it is the greatest and if I met anyone involved with making it, I would giggle CONSTANTLY:

Truth & Beauty Is a Book You Should Read

I am at peace with the fact that Ann Patchett and I could never TRULY be best friends. Even though it'd be super WAY AWESOME and she'd call and be like "Alice, I can't get this chapter done" and I'd be like "Don't sweat it, Ann, let's go get cheese fries!" and we WOULD and then she'd finish her book and be all "This book is dedicated to Alice and also cheese fries" and I'd be like "GOOD JOB INCLUDING THE CHEESE FRIES." Because I am a good friend who shares credit for things.

With some writing, I can't pinpoint why it's good — it's just good. And that's Ann Patchett. I will read anything she writes, and I can count the number of authors I'll do that for on one hand (another is Rainbow Rowell, 'cause damn, get it, girl). When I was 13 and newly into opera, I read Bel Canto because I was told the main character's voice was based on Renée Fleming's, and opera people were alllll about Renée Fleming back in the day.

If you haven't read Bel Canto, pretty much no one dislikes it. So you should read it. It's about a group of people at a party who are held hostage by some South American guerrilla fighters, and one of them is an opera singer and there's also the cutest French married couple on the planet, and it's all the best.

I also read What Now?, which is a stellar little book about post-graduation that you can read in about 20 minutes. It made me feel better about life and art and basically Ann Patchett is the cat's pajamas.

BUT, says Patchett, there is hope

So. Back in 2004, she wrote a book called Truth & Beauty about her poet friend Lucy Grealy. Lucy had cancer as a child, and as a result of this, a large section of her jaw was essentially gone. She spent the majority of her life undergoing operations to fix this while trying to make it as a writer. She and Ann went to grad school together and were subsequently very close.

This isn't strict non-fiction, as in a researched, cited book. And normally I hate anything that blurs the line between fiction and non-fiction, but the way this is told is as if Patchett said "Hey, I had a friend named Lucy Grealy -- let me tell you about her." It's this wonderful narrative that makes you want to keep reading and reading, even if you'd never heard of Lucy before (I hadn't), and it exposes you to yet another section of life you, hopefully, have not seen before.

Lucy assessed the pain of the body by the standards of her own experience and found that just about everyone else came up short, especially those on whom the ravages of illness could not be seen. She once became terribly jealous of a beautiful woman who had ovarian cancer because to Lucy the disease had done nothing but increase the woman’s glamour. “I wish I had ovarian cancer,” she said sullenly.

She's honest as far as I can tell, because she includes things both flattering and unflattering to Lucy and herself, and you learn about both of their personal histories. Was I thrilled to learn that Patchett had been a waitress at TGI Friday's after grad school? YES GOOD LORD YES. It's always a relief hearing that people you ASSUME were just plucked from school and instantly lauded had to wade through some shit and work their ass off to be appreciated.

It manages to be a book about a friendship without being overly saccharine or overtly "Friendship is the life preserver on the sea of existence." Lucy is one of those people where it's possible you had to meet her to appreciate her. Some people you read about and go "That person sounds FANTASTIC; why aren't we besties?" *coughcoughAnnPatchett* But Lucy is tough. Because of her constant surgeries and neediness, she sounds like the most draining of people, and reading about her and her friendship made me mostly just interested in how different everyone is and how we all respond in such varied ways to the people we meet in our lives.

Truth & Beauty is excellent. Read all the Ann Patchett you can.

Appointment in Samarra: A Fabulous Book With a Snazzy Cover

Someone at Penguin asked if I would like to review Appointment in Samarra by John O'Hara if they sent me a shiny (not actually shiny) copy, to which I internally said in a suspicious tone 'Whassthis?' And so TO GOOGLE I WENT, where I discovered that it is in fact a fairly well-known American novel from 1934.

I will review all the fairly well-known American novels from 1934.

The story's set in the semi-fictional town of Gibbsville, Pennsylvania (let it be known that O'Hara comes from a town called "Pottsville" in Pennsylvania) and concerns the "Lantenego Street set," which means the Richie Riches of Gibbsville — or more particularly, a man named Julian English, but the narrative bounces around a bit to other perspectives (all people, however, who know Julian English).

The way I think of this book is like Fitzgerald, but a Fitzgerald where women are actually people and not a caricatured/poorly outlined/purposefully blurred set of dream girls whose raison d'être is to ensnare and/or torture young men who will spend their lives striving to keep said dream girls in fancy clothes and Persian cats or whatever the ladies are into nowadays. Tennis, probably. Those ladies and their tennis.

John O'Hara's writing grabs me, and I think I've narrowed it down to three reasons why: 

1. His characters are immensely recognizable as people you could actually meet in this world. I'm not saying it's not good to read a book with some elves and skippy fairy princesses, but if you're reading about a coal mining town called Gibbsville and a bunch of Cadillac salesmen, it's nice to see the people who live there as real people. 

2. Appointment in Samarra is a look into America in the 1930s. It is RICH with period detail:

He reached over and picked up the hat beside him, but his fingers rejected the dent in the crown, and he examined the hat. The brim did not snap down in front. It was a Stetson, and Julian wore Herbert Johnson hats from Brooks Brothers. But he did not like to see men driving hatless in closed cars; it was too much like the Jews in New York who ride in their town cars with the dome lights lit. 

 3. No one is actually demonized. Continuing with the 'women are people' thing, John O'Hara does what I've praised J.K. Rowling for before (primarily in The Casual Vacancy, but to a degree in Harry Potter as well) — he'll give you a perspective on someone and make you dislike them, but when you see that person from another angle, you understand that people are complicated. There isn't just "This person is terrible and this person is good." You have to understand their circumstances and their background and almost no one has time for that, so we just make snap judgments and everyone comes off the worse for it.

I've read some controversial things about Appointment in Samarra being included on the Modern Library's Top 100 English Language Novels of the 20th Century list (...although really, I'd be hard-pressed to find even 100 for that, so I'm a bit confused as to the controversy). To whosoever thinks it's not good, I say you, sir, are a pernicious goatman who doesn't know good writing from that tin can you've been chewing on.

Lastly, I must address the cover, which is both gorgeous and fun. With the advent of eBooks, publishers have been trying much harder to make their covers truly awesome, and Penguin is doing a bang-up job. Give me things that will look pretty on my shelves, book publishers! I absolutely judge things by their covers.

Harry Potter Readalong, Deathly Hallows II: My copy is in Chicago so I have no quote

YOU GUYS I WAS WATCHING GOLDEN GIRLS WITH MY LITTLE BROTHER AND EATING A BAGUETTE DIPPED IN HUMMUS AND I FORGOT TO POST

Here's what I wrote on the train home:

Look. I LIKE the never-ending camping trip. Deathly Hallows pt I is my favorite of all the movies, and it’s because it takes its damn time. It isn’t all “WHIZ! BANG! EXPLODING CAKES!”

Harry, Ron and Hermione have spent the last six years growing up, having at times silly teenage adventures, and now this is them being serious and getting shit done and being relatable humans. Humans who have to destroy pieces of a dark wizard’s soul that are housed in magical objects so that one of them can try to kill him in an epic battle. STILL RELATABLE.

I like when things happen that have actual consequences. The school years are great, but they’re so insular. Everything is at Hogwarts or its immediate environs, and Dumbledore’s always there as a kind of safety blanket. Now it is just them, and they’re trying so hard to make it through using all the scraps of knowledge they’ve acquired, and it’s all just practical and awesome.

When I say something like Order of the Phoenix is my favorite, I say it with the implied exception that is Deathly Hallows. Because I just assume DH is everyone’s favorite, so why even mention it. Of course it is. It has everything in it.

It struck me while reading Mockingjay though, that other people seem maybe not as into the YA where the kids have to finally deal with the real world. I liked Mockingjay the most because everything Katniss did in it could have an impact on the real world. In that and in DH, they’re out of their testing area, and they’re making do. Ron finally destroying the Horcrux is a wonderful, wonderful moment because GROWING UP HE IS DOING IT. And he’s being forced to deal with things. Ugh. Love. I love this book.

Now link. LINK UP.

"Second Place" is really just synonymous with a one-way ticket to Losertown

So the BookRiot thing has passed, and I have gained the title of "second place loser person." But I remain content in the knowledge that the girl who won doesn't use shit like this:

Tracy Jordan's mental image
of Harriet Tubman

So who's the REAL winner? Still her. But that's ok.

totally ok

I'm going home for the first time in five months this weekend, which is RIDICULOUS because I usually go home once a month because I have a younger brother and he and I need bonding time, but instead my parents have been coming up here, for I have had commitments and so forth that have not permitted me to journey beyond the city limits. 

My mother has promised me hummus and chocolate cake (I get officially older on Saturday, as one of my older brothers did earlier this week, and as my little brother will next week), so I am GOOD TO GO. So long as I also get Dad Is Fat by Jim Gaffigan. I really want to read that.

My parents' house is weird, because they've left my room as it was when I was 18, so whenever I go home, it's like 'Yup, there's my door with my pictures of Michelle Branch, Orlando Bloom, Keanu Reeves and Rosemary Clooney on it. And there are all the books I didn't deem worthy to take with me to Chicago (lookin' at you, Washington Square) and basically everything here makes me feel like I should eat a jar of frosting because THAT'S WHAT I DID WHEN I WAS 18.' And all I do in life is tape shit on my walls, which was especially bad when I was a teenager, so pretty much all wall space in my room is covered.

all musical references here are
2003 or earlier

Basically what I'm saying it, everything's good because I will be eating a massive amount of hummus this weekend and then getting Five Guys, because the main thing you can do in my hometown is drive around to various places and eat a lot. AND THEN SEE THE HANGOVER 3, AMIRITE.

Summer causes stupidity and so forth

I'm feeling genuinely overwhelmed by the number of books I am not reading right now. Which never happens, because I need lots of things going on or I get bored, so usually it's all 'YES TEN BOOKS GO GO GO.' But since I have not actually been 'reading' and instead just keep getting books from the library, it's causing a bit of a panic.

I have 21 non-music books out from the library, plus six eBooks. This is dumb. Especially since my at-home-on-the-shelf TBR list is around 200 right now. BUT LIBRARY BOOKS ARE FREE. And then you have them. For nine weeks, at which point the library says "No, you may not have these anymore unless you bring them in and check them out again," which I say is ridiculous because why nine weeks, and if no one else wants them, gimme more than three renewals, damnit. I can't be scooting down to the library every week; I got shit to do.

We're not even going to get into Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, because the thought of it makes me panic even more, but there are books I have or have started that I GENUINELY want to be reading/finishing, and because of Life, this is not happening. Also last night I got like ladies get sometimes where everything I read/saw/interacted with felt like a personal affront and obviously all my friends are faking it so why don't I just sit in my room forever and eat pretzels because pretzels are delicious and you can't really fake deliciousness.

I have Where Did You Go, Bernadette?, which seems awesome and I'd love to be reading it if I weren't spending the time I could be reading thinking about how amazing sleeping is. I'm reading Truth & Beauty (kind of) by Ann Patchett, which is wonderful and marvelous and all those things because Ann Patchett, but I'm reading it kind of listlessly instead of engagingly. Ann Patchett's writing should be completely engaged with because it is LOVELY.

Various Dickens books, the aforementioned Harry Potter that we're ignoring, Appointment in Samarra that I'm in love with but haven't yet finished, Blackbirds that Alley recommended but which I guess is on hold now that there's all this other ridiculousness -- basically what I'm saying is everything is in a big jumble and it's not going to be sorted out soon because this week is Birthday Week in my family, so I'm going home for that and next week is BEA Tailgating, so THAT'll have to be dealt with, so I should have my shit together maybe by mid-June. Maybe.

Summer, everyone. 

A post where I do a vlog about Victorian authors and forget that Dickens was a person who existed

BEA people, I'm scared you don't have enough info about me and my many facial expressions and that something will happen to alarm you, so HERE IS A VLOG. It's five minutes long, which just seems presumptuous, but since this is the internet, you can turn it off whenevs. Also the quality is shitty, but...yeah. I'm high-def in real life. Or something. That sounds like a come on. Which it isn't. OR IS IT.

Harry Potter Readalong, Deathly Hallows I: "Oh well, lucky we've got such a large supply of basilisk fangs, then."

UGH THIS BOOK OMG.

I'm crying more this time than the first time. Probably because the first time, I was in a race against the clock to finish it since EVERYONE WAS READING IT AT THE SAME TIME and I knew if I didn't finish it in two days, no one would want to still be talking about it when I was done. So this time I get to emotionally feel every single heartwrenchingly terrible thing. Awesome.

Last time I didn't cry over Hedwig. This time I was a mess. Complete mess, sitting in my living room, sobbing over my book. One of the things I love most about J.K. Rowling is she can have you weeping on one page and then laughing on the next  damn one, leaving you a hiccuping, laughing, crying wreck of a human being.

KREACHER. And the wedding. And everyone being all grown-up and Ron learning how to not be an asshole to Hermione and eeeeverything omg. I don't know how you can't just sob through the whole book.

In conclusion, here's stuff from its midnight release. Because memories.

REMEMBER THESE LINES?

Deathly Hallows, you are in fact my favorite.

Vote for Me and Rope Your Family Into This — I Have More Hilarious Pictures

I googled Panda Celebration and got this: 

Just one of the many items relevant to your life and interests you will find on this blog. Written by me! Now, how can you support more things like panda celebration and this guy? And stuff like this?:

IT'S A CAT GONDOLIER

OBVS BY VOTING FOR ME AT BOOK RIOT'S THING. What you do is you go to that page and you click the 'like' under the title. So yeah, it's a Facebook thing. And if you share it with people and tell me, I will draw you a card using Pixlr (in other words, an extra terrible card). If you just like it, I will find you a hilarious internet picture.

Some might call this bribery. I call it Awesome Unicorn Coincidental Gifting Powers.

But for reals, there are other posts on Book Riot's thing. But all of them are about dudes and none have GIFs. Do you really want to live in a world where THAT'S the thing that's supported? I didn't think so.

Shipping Is My Whatever You Spend Too Much Time and Energy On

Another season, another sighting of Fast-Walking Couple on my way to work.

Here's the thing: I love walking. I walk to work every day. It's about a mile and a half, and I take it at a medium pace. I did not realize how unused I have become to fast walking UNTIL Fast-Walking Couple passed me and I suddenly thought 'My readers should -- nay, DESERVE TO KNOW if they are married yet.' So I tried to catch up to them. And OH HOW I TRIED. And oh how my shins yelled at me. But for you -- FOR YOU -- I did it. Looking a bit sweaty and disheveled, I caught up to them at a light and -- nope. No ring. I even checked the right hand in case they're German.

Things learned:

1. She has maybe lost weight, and her highlights look awesome.

2. He is still handsome.

3. They still kiss at the street corner when they say goodbye.

I've been shipping couples since maybe age 11. Probably before, but not with any degree of intensity (except regarding Ryu and Chun-Li from the game Street Fighter 2 -- I revved myself up to play by saying that the opponent had made disparaging remarks about Chun-Li and now Ryu was going to kick his ass).

I wish I could say the first couple I book-shipped was something classy like Laurie/Jo from Little Women, but unfortunately I didn't read that until I was 18. Instead it was Simon and Angelica Fear from R.L. Stine's Fear Street series. Sure, they might have been evil, but THEY UNDERSTOOD EACH OTHER.Also they wore old-timey clothes and their sleeves had ruffs and that's really all I ask for.

Book ships are nice as opposed to TV ships, because there's usually just one writer writing, and it doesn't take years and years to finish (unless you're a George RR Martin fan, amirite?), and you don't have to worry about advertisers or executive producers so much. Of course, you're screwed if the author dies and you're in the middle of a series, but them's the breaks.

Ships can be distinguished from just normal "Oh, I enjoy reading about these two characters getting together in an eventually romantic sense" by how actively you participate in wanting them to get together. If you:

1. make a mixtape for them
2. write fanfiction
3. go on tumblr and make/reblog graphics
4. find like-minded people and have in-depth discussions, citing textual evidence for your ship (or force this evidence on your uncaring friends)

then you are shipping a couple.

Regarding book couples, I have playlists for: Paul/Helen (The Historian), Beatrice/Benedick (Much Ado About Nothing), Ernest/Madame Defarge (Tale of Two Cities), Mrs Danvers/Rebecca (Rebecca), Lord Peter Wimsey/Harriet Vane (Lord Peter Wimsey series), Scarlett/Melanie (Gone With the Wind), Lucius/Narcissa (Harry Potter), Antipholus of Ephesus/Adriana (Comedy of Errors).

This has been a part of my psyche for so long, I don't know how people who don't ship things work. What do you think about? Lawn sprinklers? Bacon? The rest of the world seems to have a preoccupation with bacon that I lack, so maybe that's what happens to shipping energy when it goes unused.

Cheer up! In the future you'll look back on this time with horror

Looking through my old notes on the Lord Peter Wimsey series makes me supremely happy. Mainly because before I had a book blog, I didn't even try to look at something's "literary merits" (yes, this blog is in fact me trying that). Instead it was all:

"Greensleeves will never be the same again. She's SO FLIRTING WITH HIM."

"HARRIET LOVES PETER AND HE BOUGHT HER CHESSMEN AHHH."

"She's so just waiting for him to make a move. COME ON, PETER! SHE CRIED ON YOUR SHOULDER."

And my first note on the book I was reading concurrently with the Wimsey series:

"Twilight's fairly stupid."

Seeing what you thought of books five years ago -- or heaven preserve us, ten years ago -- makes you appreciate how much of an idiot you were back then. And there is a certain kind of comfort knowing that ten years from now, your thoughts on something like Finnegans Wake will be seen by FutureYou as so much piddle. I'm fairly confident there are not many readers who, as they go on, regress in their literary tastes. "I used to be a Faulkner man, but Charlaine Harris just speaks to me now."

So knowing that FutureYou will be at best condescending to and at worst disgusted by CurrentYou should provide a form of relief. "Ah, I shall get better. That scene in Gatsby when Daisy cries over Gatsby's shirts may have been frustratingly nebulous in its meaning when I was 15, but now I am all over that shit. And someday I will perhaps find Woolf stupid-easy and not be agonizing over paragraphs in Mrs. Dalloway going 'I know the clouds mean something BUT WHAT WHAT DO THEY MEAN WHY IS SHE TALKING ABOUT THEM DAMN YOU WOOLF.'"

I, for one, am greatly comforted by the thought of FutureMe thinking back to CurrentMe as a complete moron.

And for those of you for some reason think your brain has always been as fantastic as it currently is, I ask that you look back to papers written in high school, for there you will find something along the lines of: ""Poor Fantine! I mean, I don't want to sound stupid, but this book's sad! :)"

Think well on these things.

Reading Pathways: George Eliot

All right, folks, I’m entering Book Riot’s START HERE, Vol. 2 Write-In Giveaway, and obviously I chose to write about George Eliot, because she's the greatest (also because we don't talk about her nearly enough).

+++++

Congratulations! You've heard of George Eliot; found out perhaps after an embarrassing conversation that she is in fact a she; and now wish to dive into her body of work. BUT WHERE TO START. This is a question that the internet (meaning I) can answer. 

Eliot wrote seven novels + one collection of stories in her lifetime, but you can absolutely get away with reading just three of them. Before getting into that, though, let's look at some background info:

1. As mentioned above, she is a lady.

2. She's a Victorian, but much more of the Trollope variety than the Brontë. Many more gruff but kindly old people and discussions of getting pipes whittled than young people standing on the moors, staring into the middle distance. Consequence of north vs. south upbringing? Get out your Gaskell and let's discuss.

3. She was fiercely intelligent and translated Ludwig Feuerbach's The Essence of Christianity from its original German.

4. In a total surprise move, her novels about the 1832 Reform Act (Felix Holt the Radical) and the Dominican friar Savonarola in 15th century Florence (Romola) haven't aged too well.

Now. If you want to ease into the Eliot and her overall Contemplation of Humanity, a nice beginning is:

1. Scenes of Clerical Life. It consists of three stories, was the first fiction of hers published (in 1858 at the age of 39 — pay heed, struggling writers), and sets the stage nicely for her themes of country life; strong-yet-oh-so-human men; and women who want to be virtuous, but suffer. Plus you get bonus points for picking up a George Eliot work that most people haven't read. Some might point you towards Silas Marner, but that's only because it's Eliot's shortest novel and therefore the one most frequently assigned in school. It also kind of sucks.

 

2. The Mill on the Floss. I'm actually not the biggest fan of this, but it's a classic, gets referenced a lot when people discuss Eliot, AND it is semi-autobiographical. She went through a major religious phase before subscribing to her philosophy of morals & ethics over a particular religion, and the main character goes through the same fervidly spiritual path as a teenager. Mill involves a young girl (who lives in the country, of course) and her relationship with her brother, her struggles with her faith, and a delightful love triangle that happened over a century before Twilight kicked that trope up a notch.

 

3. Middlemarch. Here we go. This is it. You want to read George Eliot, you have to do this one. It's inescapable. Virginia Woolf called it "the magnificent book which with all its imperfections is one of the few English novels written for grown-up people." I call it "ridiculously amazeballs." 

Through it we look at humanity and ourselves, politics, religion, the state of marriage, and basically everything we should be thinking about but find it hard to keep our focus on because instead we're looking at things like this:

 

Anything else you read of hers is just gravy. Romola is for the diehards who want to look fancy at those cocktail parties where George Eliot is discussed (I'm sure those exist somewhere, and if you find one, please let me know, as I have Some Things to Say about it + translational theory that would totally not kill everyone's buzz at all). Most of the others were mentioned above, except Adam Bede — which consists of more strong men, far-reaching consequences of living unethically, and whiffs of healthy country air — and Daniel Deronda, which is the only one of her works I have not read, because I am SAVING it.

Now go read some Eliot.

Harry Potter Readalong, Tales of Beedle the Bard: "The only surviving woodcut shows that he had an exceptionally luxuriant beard."

I love The Tales of Beedle the Bard, and I am DELIGHTED that the readalong caused some to read it for the first time. JKR is just a magnificent writer who is so very very good at her genre. And so good at fleshing out her universe! Extremely good. The story of the Hogwarts play-gone-wrong? Fantastic. "A proud non-theatrical tradition that Hogwarts continues to this day" (poor theatre nerds).

All the stories are lovely (er, except The Warlock's Hairy Heart, of course) and I want JKR to spend the rest of her life writing other made-up books from the wizarding world and random companion books to HP. That is all I want from her. But that's not exactly an original want.

I do have to say though — "Bertrand de Pensées-Profondes"? JK, what is it with you and disliking the French? Because with the possible exception of Madame Maxime, I feel like you do. Maybe it's the English thing. For those unaware, Bertrand's name translates to 'Bertrand of Deep Thoughts,' which could be called a medieval naming system, but I call it lazy, because Rousseau had NOTHING like that (okay, he might have, because TBH I don't know much about Rousseau, but I don't THINK he did and that's where I'm leaving it). And no, the 18th century isn't medieval, but just go with me here.

 
Aberforth's favorite story was Grumble the Grubby Goat. Excellent. Yes.

The Deathstick is the worst wand name. If that guy would've had some friends and not just killed everybody, they could have advised him on this. "Deathstick is literally the most awful name you could have invented. It's not even a good band name. It's the band name of three guys trying hard but being terrible at trying."

"No witch has never claimed to own the Elder Wand. Make of that what you will." Bless you, JK. Bless you.

phase 1 of my plans for us

EDIT: Would people be down with skipping posting on May 31st? It's the Friday of BEA and it'll make things far easier for those attending.

This post has taken all day

BEA tailgating is coming up at the end of the month, after which I will hopefully have a post about a quest that has been FIVE MONTHS in the making. Quests are the greatest. I used to think of myself as chivalrous (TAKE BACK THE WORD, LADIES, EVEN THOUGH WE DIDN'T HAVE IT ORIGINALLY), but then I turned into something of a lame-o who needs to borrow her friend's jacket when it's cold and I can no longer claim the term. BUT my love of knight-like questing remains. I'll just do it while wearing someone else's jacket.

This New York trip is the most unplanned thing I've ever done. Yes, I have a spreadsheet with my schedule on it, but it has like six things on it for a three day period. How can one GUARANTEE they are going to have fun if one does not schedule all available time? So right now I'm feeling rather adrift, a condition that can surely only be remedied by hanging out a lot with you all who are going to be there. Also by eating things. That'll be good.

And after the reading EXPLOSION that was April, I am in a complete slump for May, mostly because of Singing Things, but also because instead of reading I've been 1) Looking at pictures of Jessica Raine from Call the Midwife, 2) Internet stalking Lindy West of Jezebel fame, 3) Acting like Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. And apparently Cameron doesn't want to read.

just leave me here

And as summer comes to Chicago bit by creeping bit, we emerge from our winter dwellings and start tentatively sniffing the air, culminating in a constant and guilt-induced mantra of "You should be outside, you should be outside, it will be cold again soon and you will be sad you didn't go outside." But I will try to read by the lake. Lake Michigan is Very Big and allows you to contemplate Kant's sublime until some asshole sailboat gets in the way and ruins it. I'm also easily distracted by how you can put your face right by blades of grass and see all the tiny stuff on and around them.But once that stuff's out of the way -- reading. 

A Visit from the Goon Squad: It probably needs more hype, right?

Someone, I think it was Laura, advised me to just read Goon Squad straight through. This is excellent advice. For this is one of those novels where you keep switching perspective and seeing characters from different angles/times. If you read it slowly, you'll probably forget things and then be all "Wait, who is this girl and why are they in Africa and why does this one sentence seem fraught with meaning?"

Things I love in books:

1. Switching perspectives
2. Backstory
3. Sentences like "Ted deliberated this question while downing three espressos in the hotel lobby, letting the caffeine and vodka greet in his brain like fighting fish."

Now I know that some of you -- those who have held out this long -- are all "Yeah, but it's probably overhyped and I don't want to be all bandwagony and why should I care about this book booooo," so when you see me talking it up, you're like,

To you I say: THIS BOOK IS FANTASTIC AND MADE ME FEEL OVERWHELMED BY THE UNIFIED YET SEGMENTED NATURE OF HUMANITY AND ITS NEED TO EXPRESS ITSELF THROUGH ART.

I was mainly overwhelmed by the -- I guess well-known? -- PowerPoint chapter. Now GRANTED, I had cramps when I was reading it and had just taken a pill with a shitload of caffeine in it, but that only makes my crying over it 80% less legit. That's still TWENTY PERCENT of real feelings.

Normally I'm kind of an asshole in my Kindle notes. My notes for this book are the following:

"AHHH BOOK"
"Ugh. Yeah, this is good."
"omg"
"Well shit."
"This book fills me with fucking joy."

Books that stop and tell you exactly what's going to happen to an ancillary character for the rest of their life make me flail about from happiness. Remember that movie trend that started maybe with Animal House where at the end it would freeze frame on the various characters and be like "Blahblah married This Person after getting his degree in Zoology. He was later mauled by a seal." That trend never should have ended. It was the best. 

Read this book. It is great. I say that with the confidence I gave to The Sisters Brothers and Middlesex. Good job, Jennifer Egan, showing that writing is a damn art form.

You should all read Auntie Mame and Lord Peter Wimsey

I am a slouchy pile of slouch today due to EVENTS on the weekend. The fact I can type is currently being seen by my brain as a miracle, so forgive me for whatever this post ends up being about. I just feel guilty about a relative lack of updating last week, so HERE ARE MY BRAINTHOUGHTS, INTERNET.

Patrick Dennis is vastly, vastly underappreciated. People barely know who he is today, which is just BS, for he is one of my all-time favorite authors (see also: Dickens, Margaret Mitchell, particular A.S. Byatts). He wrote Auntie Mame, which I usually name as my favorite book when forced to answer this stupid question. It's episodic, which is my favorite way a book can be, and there's so much detail in a non-hideously boring way. It's funny and socially advanced (make of that phrase what you will) and I love it.

There's also a sequel, which is actually more of a parallel novel (it takes place during Auntie Mame) called Around the World With Auntie Mame. The copy I originally read was from the University of Illinois's undergrad library, and it was from the first printing. When I bought a copy, I was exceedingly astonished to discover it contained a "new" chapter. Said chapter involves Auntie Mame and her nephew Patrick (the narrator) living on a commune in, I believe, the Ukraine. It was censored from the early editions because it dealt with communism. Which is RIDICULOUS because all that chapter does is point out why communism doesn't work.

Speaking of the undergrad stacks, I miss them. The U of I has an ENORMOUS collection, and pretty much whatever I needed, they had, usually in an old edition. I started Series of Unfortunate Events there, then Auntie Mame, then the Lord Peter Wimsey series. I think I've talked about fonts before, and how they make me judge books, be it however unfairly. Since I started reading the Wimsey series using the library's Very Old Copies, when I graduated and hadn't yet finished them, I had to go to AbeBooks and email booksellers for pictures to find the right WimseyFont. I've mentioned this before as well, but I forget if I've included a picture of the correct WimseyFont. It is this (the first page of Gaudy Night, which is the greatest):

Fonts are important.

Half-Blood Prince III: The Finishining

Sorry, guys. Singing things are taking up real life (that bastard), so I didn't finish. A final HBP post without talking about the last 200 pages seems ridiculous, so I leave it to you all to be awesome in your discussions and bring forth new ideas, etc etc.

Luna's Quidditch commentary is obviously the best part of the book.

I'll be over here until next week

edit: Don't forget we're reading Tales of Beedle the Bard for next week. It will be a rollicking good time.

Lists, because anything else I wrote today would be insane

I've been delinquent in updating (for me), but in my defense, I thought you all might need a break after readathon updates. ALSO I was lazy. And have auditions this week, which always throws my brain into a no-read-books flurry.

I have a BUNCH of books I want to review, but I don't feel mentally capable of that at the moment. You see, I -- through covert means -- came into possession late last night of a clip involving Helena Landless and Rosa Bud from The Mystery of Edwin Drood kissing on each other's faces. And that, plus audition adrenaline, plus the first Coke I'd consumed in weeks, plus two episodes of Doctor Who -- including one with GHOSTS that was very scary but which also involved me yelling 'KISS. KIIIIIIIIISS' at the screen until whapped by my friend -- PLUS chatting with my lovely roommate whom I hadn't seen in some days, means I was up very late indeed last night.

I AM THE DUCKY

SO. For now, here're the books I read in April:

Sharp Objects, Gillian Flynn
The Mysterious Affair at Styles, Agatha Christie
Ruby Red, Kerstin Gier
HP & the Order of the Phoenix, JKR
Valencia, Michelle Tea
The Graveyard Book, Neil Gaiman
Lamb, Christopher Moore
How the Irish Saved Civilization, Thomas Cahill
A Visit from the Goon Squad, Jennifer Egan

That is CRAZY. What's up with you, April?

All I am capable of right now is staring at my phone's lock screen, listening to Julie Andrews singing 'The Lusty Month of May' from Camelot, and internally flailing over the Doctor Who ghost episode. Written by Neil Cross, by the way, who also wrote the FANTASTICALLY awesome episode 'The Rings of Akhaten' and is the creator of Luther, and I love his writing so much I might have to watch Luther now.

Oh! Making lists. I can make lists. So here's what I'd be delighted to get through this month (hopefully some of them will actually happen):

The Secret Adversary, Agatha Christie
Will Rogers, his wife's story, Betty Rogers
The Invisible Woman, Claire Tomalin
Passions Between Women, Emma Donoghue
The Drood Murder Case, Richard Baker
Blackbirds, Chuck Wendig (recommended by Alley and it was basically zero dollars for Kindle, so I just bought it)

In conclusion,

damn you, Doctor Who