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people might like calling themselves perfectionists, but perfectionists get nothing done

I've been taking piano for a few months now. My teacher is a girl about my age who goes to my church and mostly teaches six-year-olds. This is particularly evident when I do a shitty job on something like Yankee Doodle and she claps and says "You hit almost all the right notes!" She's very encouraging is what I'm saying. This is especially helpful when I sit in front of The Little Drummer Boy and my brain panics and won't hit the keys because WHAT IF I HIT THE WRONG ONE.

 My mother really likes telling a story related to this about when I was five and she came into my room, and rather than being in bed, I was sitting on the ground with those giant dotted sheets of paper they give you in grade school for learning to write your letters strewn about me, and an intense look of concentration on my face. "Alice, why aren't you asleep?" my mom asked. In a furious tone, I responded "I HAVE TO GET MY T's RIGHT."

 This carries into reading for me. If I don't read absolutely every word of a book, I feel like I haven't truly read it. It's also something I'm trying to conquer, because DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG THAT TAKES. Forever. It takes forever.



And my attention span, thanks to the internet, is close to zero. So I start a book and I NEVER FINISH IT. Do you know what I did yesterday? Started a new book. Do you know how many I'm technically supposed to be reading right now? Like nine. That is UNACCEPTABLE.

I need a brain strategy for convincing myself I don't need to mull over every word in every book. Surely one can grasp the essence of a thing without thinking after every sentence 'Do I completely understand this?' Because that way produces posts like these. And they're only good for amazing Sandlot gifs.

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