Skip to main content

The Tale of the Kidney Stone

Where have I been? ENDURING THE UNTOLD AGONY OF A KIDNEY STONE.

Let's back it up a sec and think back to Saturday morning. A carefree time, when one could walk down the streets of Hyde Park on the way back from a Gilbert & Sullivan audition, listening to Miley Cyrus's "Party in the USA" and think 'Hm, that's a strange feeling in my abdomen.'

Cut to eight hours later and there's me and my dad (my parents were up for the weekend) in the aisle of a CVS endeavoring to find something that'll stop the shrieking pain I'm in, and I'm crying and my dad doesn't know what to do because what do you do when your 27-year-old daughter cries in the aisle of a CVS?



We go back to the hotel, and I was trying to fight it out, because my parents are older and I didn't want to put them to too much trouble, but it finally got RIDICULOUSLY bad, so I told my dad I had to go to the emergency room. And he took me there at midnight. And he held my hand while the nurse checked my blood pressure and temperature and I cried some more. And basically he's my favorite dad of all the dads.

There was a whole lot of ER bullshit, like having to tell five people in a row the last time you had your period ('cause man, they're REAL interested in that answer, but not so interested in writing it down and passing it on to the next person), and getting a lady exam at 2:30 in the morning and having to drink an inordinate amount of something disgusting called barium for the CT scan before finally getting released at 5:30 a.m. with your pants, a prescription for painkillers and a few errant shreds of dignity.

But there were highlights! Like my nurse Darcy, who was amazing and allowed me to play Huey Lewis and the News's "Back in Time" on my iPhone at 1 a.m. and dance around in my bed when the time change occurred. And the faint camaraderie I felt with the other ER patients I smiled at as I padded down the hall to the communal bathroom with my disheveled hair and hospital gown.

Basically, having a kidney stone is like there's a small person taking a dull knife to your insides and grinding at them, and you're like "OW OW OW THIS PAIN IN MY FRONT" but then your lower back starts hurting too and you say "I AM BEING ATTACKED ON ALL FRONTS IF MY BACK COUNTS AS A FRONT." So you can stretch in any way to try to alleviate it and it just hurts one side or the other. THERE IS NO ESCAPING THE KIDNEY STONE.

Then you lie down on your couch for 48 hours, drinking water, vomiting up food and barely comprehending the succession of early '90s films you've decided to play via Netflix Instant. Then at some point you learn that a kidney stone is usually the size of a grain of sand and you start hating everything. But then you take some more painkillers and everything's dandy.

Comments

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Harry Potter 2013 Readalong Signup Post of Amazingness and Jollity

Okay, people. Here it is. Where you sign up to read the entire Harry Potter series (or to reminisce fondly), starting January 2013, assuming we all survive the Mayan apocalypse. I don't think I'm even going to get to Tina and Bette's reunion on The L Word until after Christmas, so here's hopin'.


You guys know how this works. Sign up if you want to. If you're new to the blog, know that we are mostly not going to take this seriously. And when we do take it seriously, it's going to be all Monty Python quotes when we disagree on something like the other person's opinion on Draco Malfoy. So be prepared for your parents being likened to hamsters.

If you want to write lengthy, heartfelt essays, that is SWELL. But this is maybe not the readalong for you. It's gonna be more posts with this sort of thing:


We're starting Sorceror's/Philosopher's Stone January 4th. Posts will be on Fridays. The first post will be some sort of hilarious/awesome que…

How to Build a Girl Introductory Post, which is full of wonderful things you probably want to read

Acclaimed (in England mostly) lady Caitlin Moran has a novel coming out. A NOVEL. Where before she has primarily stuck to essays. Curious as we obviously were about this, I and a group of bloggers are having a READALONG of said novel, probably rife with spoilers (maybe they don't really matter for this book, though, so you should totally still read my posts). This is all hosted/cared for/lovingly nursed to health by Emily at As the Crowe Flies (and Reads) because she has a lovely fancy job at an actual bookshop (Odyssey Books, where you can in fact pre-order this book and then feel delightful about yourself for helping an independent store). Emily and I have negotiated the wonders of Sri Lankan cuisine and wandered the Javits Center together. Would that I could drink with her more often than I have.


INTRODUCTION-wise (I might've tipped back a little something this evening, thus the constant asides), I am Alice. I enjoy the Pleistocene era of megafauna and drinking Shirley Templ…

Norwegian Wood: The Planning Post

You all remember this?


So, after some panicking on my part, and the over-taxed Chicago Public Library taking weeks and weeks to send my copy (it's been in transit for about three or four weeks now), I finally caved and bought it on Kindle (even though the Kindle price is more than the paperback -- COME ON PUBLISHERS).
Tuesdays worked well last time, because then you get to panic on Mondays and not Sundays that you haven't done the reading. Makes the weekend more relaxing. But if people want to do Wednesdays instead because of Top Ten Tuesday being such a big meme, let me know and I'll shift everything forward a day (except the 31st, because I REFUSE TO GO INTO JANUARY). Here's the schedule:
January 3rd: Intro posts. How do you feel about Murakami/have you read anything of his before/whatever you want to say; I am merely your faciliator.
January 10th: Chapters 1 through 4
January 17th: Chapters 5 & 6
January 24th: Chapters 7 through 9
January 31st: Chapters 10 & 11
If y…