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Shakespeare and Austen are fine. Also, I'm scared of authors.

Halloween was swell. And by 'swell' I mean I sat on my couch and watched Agent Dana Scully kick the ass of a man who was sucking the fat out of women. WITH HIS INCREASED-IN-POTENCY STOMACH ACIDS. Man, that's a good episode. It was also made in like 1995, and warned people of the perils of internet dating. Because that guy you're chatting with could just be suffering from a condition where he has no way of producing fat and needs to absorb yours. THINK ABOUT IT.

It was kind of like watching that early episode of Law & Order: SVU (or as my friend likes to call it, "Pervert Stories") where Detective Benson is talking about the dangers of chat rooms, and you're like "Ahahahahahahaha." Only NOT because then someone probably dies.

You know who're two authors who get a lot of people in a flutter but I'm not really that into? Austen and Shakespeare. Like, ok. They're both great. Reeeeeeal great. And I like some of their stuff a whole lot. But I've never been a 'SHAKESPEARE/AUSTEN OMG let us journey to Bath and/or Stratford-upon-Avon and wear period costumes and HOW WE SHALL DANCE' person. I'm more a "Oooh that was a nice line in that play" person. I went through my thing where I was all over how romantic Persuasion is, but then when you re-read it, it's like "Oh, Captain Wentworth kind of sucks."

The only author I've ever been that insane over is Charlotte Bronte, but again, I was 16 and an idiot. Nowadays I'd probably pass out if I and my Cult of Wilkie group traveled back in time and met Wilkie Collins, but otherwise, eh. OH. Except for J.K. Rowling. But I think she's a universal exception.

J.K. Rowling and everyone

I tend to assume actual authors are socially awkward misanthropes who would make me hate their books if we ever met. I know enough musicians who produce beautiful music but are dicks that I'm totes good staying at arm's length from the people behind the words I love.

I should probably add that of the authors I HAVE met, almost all have been super-awesome and nice. So this is maybe an unwarranted opinion. BUT I CANNOT CHANCE IT. I mean, would you rather be assured that your favorite books wouldn't be ruined, or put yourself in a position where they could be? It is dangerous territory.

Also, totally unrelated, I super-shipped Titania/Oberon in high school. I'm just saying. And I have text-based theories on why Antipholus of Ephesus did NOT in fact cheat on Adriana in Comedy of Errors. THEIRS IS A PERFECT LOVE.


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