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Top Ten Books Everyone Has Read But Me



I have missed an astonishing number of books that most people did not. 


1. The Help - YES I WILL READ IT. Eventually. I got shit to do, people. Those 30 Rock reruns aren't going to watch themselves.


2. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo - I started this after buying it for Kindle, and I genuinely did like it. But then I got sidetracked and have not yet made it back. But I'm totally pro-running with the crowd so long as the crowd isn't mass-reading something idiotic *coughEatPrayLovecough*


3. The Kite Runner - I read someone's hilarious review of this on Goodreads (this is me, by the way) and now I can't find it. But rest assured, they convinced me that if I read it and liked it, I was a dribbling moron. So now I cannot read it. Plus I soooo don't care about the subject matter. (*hides from thrown rocks*) (edit: review found)


4. Hamlet - Yeah. This. Like two years ago I thought 'Hey. I've never read or watched Hamlet. I mean, I've seen The Lion King, but that's not exactly the same thing. So how about I read the play and then watch some movie version?' Yeah. That play is WAY TOO LONG. I got to maybe Act II and then called it quits. Screw you, Shakespeare, and your overly long works.


5. Lord of the Flies - I tried this. Twice. Guess who has two thumbs and doesn't care about a group of boys stuck on an island? "Oh my gosh, who could have predicted that they'd act in such a savage way?" Seriously? SERIOUSLY. I hate this book.


6. The Handmaid's Tale - Yes, yes, going to read it eventually. Atwood isn't really my cup of tea, but one of my favorite comedians, Jackie Kashian, made a Handmaid's Tale joke, and I didn't get it and felt bad. So this must be rectified.


7. The Diary of Anne Frank - I tried this when I was maybe 11? And I got bored and put it down. Maybe I'd be less bored now. I dunno, my favorite thing about this is the Onion article: Ghost of Anne Frank: 'Quit Reading My Diary.'


8. Where the Red Fern Grows - I'm going to read this. I didn't read it in 7th grade SPECIFICALLY because I was told what happens to the dogs, and I wasn't putting myself through that, damnit. But I feel bad never having read it when absolutely everyone else did for some reason. I'm not sure what's so intrinsically great about this book, but I will have read it. And that's all that matters.


9. Eat, Pray, Love - There is no way on God's green earth I am reading this book.


10. A Game of Thrones - I'm kind of at the point with this series that I'm angry that so many people love it. Which is an unfortunate reaction, but now I refuse to give in and read it. Because that would be letting the book win.

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