There's also "If you cold-called me and asked me to help you with your survey entitled Shit I Think About Jennifer Aniston, I would go for the box ‘I couldn’t give a fuck’ every single time."
See? You clearly want to read this book.
And of course, it's much more of an extended Ode to Twitter than an actual guide to leaving it. That bit only takes up a few pages at the end. Most of it explains the types of people you meet there, why it's great, and why it's terrible. As a medium-level user of twitter, I can't say I'm familiar with all these types, but as they're also the kinds of people you meet in real life, it rings true.
Because only appx. five people in the United States know who Grace Dent is (I'm still a bit unclear, to be honest), her book's available here, but only in Kindle format. And it is the low low price of $5.50! A steal if ever I saw one! Also, did you know you don't need a Kindle to read Kindle books? No! You just need to download the Kindle computer app, then in between checking out that hilarious cat video (they're all cat videos), you can read a page or two. Reading from the Kindle app is not staring bug-eyed at a computer, forever destroying your eyesight, as some might have you believe. It is MULTI-tasking. Different.
One more quote, as there're so many excellent ones:
I am not interested in ‘think pieces’ about whether size 12–14 women should be allowed to go down the catwalk and be able to easily find clothes in shops. I don’t need to ‘think’ about that. Only a gibbering dunderhead has to think about that.