Book Hoarding Tendencies

Why, hello. I hope you all had splendid weekends. I went to a concert by this lady on the right here. Emilie Autumn's use of Victoriana draws me in, but then most else about her makes me go "AHHH I DO NOT BELONG HERE." So that was a fun concert. But she uses a HARPSICHORD in her music. And she has a song called 'Shalott.' And 'Thank God I'm Pretty' (both of which are excellent).

Anyway. I name her because almost no one I know knows her music, and it's good enough to hear. I know that's a ringing endorsement. Just go with it.

I have a dream. That dream is to have two shelves worth of books, all tasteful-looking and carefully chosen to reflect me being awesome. The shelves will have been crafted by a local artisan, possibly with inlaid carvings of some of my favorite scenes from literature. Instead, I have a sagging white bookcase from Target with random books I picked up at library sales/used bookstores stacked two deep with other books piled on top of them.

Part of this is due to me being a low-level hoarder. I used to have a bottle "collection" which consisted of six bottles that sat on the floor of my bedroom. I kept them for about two years until I started watching Hoarders and it freaked me out so much I immediately threw them away. Because they were bottles. The only time a bottle should be kept is maybe if it was used in the 16th century by Queen Elizabeth to send a message that she was being held captive on a desert island by Altan Khan, ruler of Mongolia, and would someone please come rescue her? But as that did not happen, if you have an empty bottle, please recycle it.

Some of my books I keep for nostalgic purposes (I am never, ever getting rid of my ripped up $4.95 Bantam Classics copy of Jane Eyre, because that particular copy was LOVED by my 16-year-old self), a lot of them I have not read, and the others I enjoyed even the slightest bit and do not want to get rid of because what if I someday want to re-read them? WHAT IF.

So. How does one narrow down one's library? Rent a storage unit? This seems extreme for the average lazy person (see: moi). Maybe just get a friend to come over and be mean. 

Friend: "Why do you need the third Percy Jackson book?"

Me: "Oh, well...it had a part I really liked and I thought someday if I wanted to look at it again, it'd be nice to have handy."

Friend: "Have you ever done this?"

Me: "No."

Friend: "You bought this when?"
Me: "Three years ago."

That's how probably 2/3 of the books would go. I'd also need a friend who isn't particularly attached to books, so none of my stellar arguments like "But I REALLY like the cover on that one" would work on them.

Dear Books: I will rid myself of half of you by year's end. Oh yes. This will happen. Because I refuse to move all of you someday. You're too heavy.