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Monkalong II: If you're a lady over 40 in this book, you're probably already dead

EVERYONE HAS A STORY. And Don Raymond certainly has one. Which he would like to tell you about. In excruciating detail.

DON LORENZO IS ROBERT DUNDER

So the section (which I'm sorry we had to read all of, but we had to get through it eventually) is Don Lorenzo's BFF Don Raymond's endless story about how he got around to banging Don Lorenzo's sister. THAT WAS FOR REAL THE REASON FOR IT. 


Basically, he almost got murdered by some banditti in the forest, then he saved a baroness while his servants were stabbed to death, then he fell in love with the baroness's niece, but the baroness was in love with Don Raymond (which is obvs pathetic because she's over 40 and M.G. Lewis is not on board with that age being a thing for women)

Main things we should note:

1. The wife of the banditti leader, Marguerite, makes "a sallad." So apparently that was a thing in the 18th century. And now I want to look up the history of salad.


AND WHY WOMEN LOVE THEM SO MUCH AMIRITE

2. Don Raymond is a dick for not telling Agnes his real name. Like, yeah, I get it when you're first meeting her, 'cause you want her to fall in love with you and not your heaps and heaps of Scrooge McDuck coins, but when you're about to elope with her, MAYBE say "Hey, so I totes didn't trust you before, but my name isn't Alphonso hahaha call me Raymond I know they're about equally bad as names so you shouldn't care."

3. Agnes is going around, drawing pictures of bleeding nuns and nobody thinks this is weird.


4. 
While I sat upon a broken ridge of the Hill, the stillness of the scene inspired me with melancholy ideas not altogether unpleasing.
 Romantics suck.

5.
An Author, whether good or bad, or between both, is an Animal whom everybody is privileged to attack; For though All are not able to write books, all conceive themselves able to judge them.
 Give it UP for Matthew Lewiiiiiiis. Tellin' it like it IS.

So, I'm psyched for the story to finally move forward, and it looks like the Monk is in the VERY NEXT CHAPTER, having just banged Rosaritilda. Exciting.

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