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The Monkalong, Week IV: What kind of crazy shit goes on in Denmark?



What've we learned from The Monk this week. You allow a lady disguised as a dude to live at your monastery and soon enough you and her are banging 24/7, you're making pacts with Satan and murdering older ladies with pillows.

Ambrosio! What a d-bag. What, sir, so your new awesome plan is to AGAIN DRUG ANTONIA and keep her prisoner in some underground crypt sex chamber? That's gonna get real boring real fast, and also, ew. You are terrible at life, and I do not like you.

AND WHAT WAS UP WITH CHAPTER III OMG. All the things happened in Chapter III!!! The Prioress's evilness is discovered! She is horribly mutilated and murdered by a mob. A secret chamber is discovered at the base of a statue! Agnes is found! And now they're running around like at the end of Phantom of the Opera and searching for the seemingly-dead Antonia (I assume) in the near-endless caverns. Don't tell me you didn't listen to the end tracks of Phantom or even think about them while reading this.

I have a really déclassé joke for this, but it would shame my mother

Unexpected props go to this line:

But the Ghost interrupting me uttered three loud groans, and roared out in a terrible voice, "Oh! That Chicken's wing! My poor soul suffers for it!"
Totally threw me. I thought it was a for serious ghost recounting and all of a sudden it was a That'll Teach 'Em to Eat Chicken on Fridays lesson.

Next week's the last post! It came up so quickly! How're you guys feeling? You glad we read this weirdass book? I hope so, because I think at the least you can be at a party and be like "Hey, so also there's this 18th century book about a lecherous monk who makes pacts with Lucifer and roofies a lady with a myrtle branch and how about we talk about THAT for five minutes."

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