So I finished Chime. And it was kind of lame. It got a lot better from the South Park Goth Girl beginning, but since that was the most amusing part for me, here're some quotes that I could only hear in Goth Girl's voice (whose monologue is below, in the stellar SP episode 'Raisins'):
He was more at home with the villagers than we were, even though he’d arrived from London only six months back. Perhaps it was because he was such a big, comfortable sort of man, while we Larkins are rarely comfortable, especially with ourselves. - AGH TOO MUCH OBVIOUS. SO MUCH OBVIOUS.
“Another few minutes won’t hurt,” said Father in his sermon voice, which is his favorite voice, the one he starches and irons every morning.
Have you become a doctor, Father? How do you know it won’t hurt? Or did you hear it from God? You don’t talk to anyone else. - now just hear that in Goth Girl's voice. It's not hard.
People always say one thing and mean something else beneath. I’m the worst of all, but at least I don’t lie to myself about it. - SHE IS SO GOTH AND TERRIBLE
Eldric wasn’t handsome, not in a Greek statue kind of way, not like Cecil Trumpington, who wants to marry me. Well, Cecil actually wants to marry the idea of me. - NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME THEY JUST SEE WHAT THEY WANT TO SEE
And then there's my minor complaint, which is that the time period was fricking confusing. Because she mentions Queen Anne at first, so I was like "Oh, it's around 1700," and then she's like "Motorcars! Electricity!" And I know you're like "Well maybe there was a later Anne who was the king's wife or something," but no! The last one died in 1714.
Some of the plot twists were surprising -- a lot of them were not. You're just sitting, waiting for the main character to figure it out, feeling like she's kiiiind of dumb not to.
There is some occasional hilarity, which was nice, and a couple of good phrases:
“I’m hungry for funeral biscuits,” said Rose.
“Funeral biscuits?” said Eldric. “Shall I hunt them down? Are they dangerous?”
“You’re mad!” said Cecil, but he rose to accompany Eldric. Two boy-men, stalking the wild funeral biscuit.
Anyway. Too much goth. Too much time period confusion. But as the book went on, I went from notes like "CAN WE LEAVE VAMPIRES OUT OF THINGS FOR ONCE" to "That's actually quite nice." Oh, except for the Ferngullyesque little treatise at the end. If I want that, I will WATCH Ferngully. And enjoy it, because man, childhood, amirite?
(p.s. RED, you won the book, according to a random name picker, so you better have read this far in the post. also, everyone's answers were hilarious, but a disquieting number of you were all 'I am not surprised by this question because of whose blog it's on.' I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS)