Skip to main content

Books You Should Read If You Want to Be a Terrible Person

Did you all see this? "30 Books Everyone Should Read Before Their 30th Birthday."

Katie, who is about to turn 30, sent me a link to it, saying "fuck that list."


Let's look at a few of these, shall we?


1. Siddhartha. Sure. Why not. This was given to me by my hippie English teacher in 7th grade. All I remember is that when I was done, I was glaring at telephone poles because they "were not part of the natural order." So if you want to be an asshole for a week, read Siddhartha.


2. 1984. REALLY? Do we really need to read 1984? Because I think everyone's gotten the message at this point. I'm sure that in the '40s this was a really stunning book, and it's an enjoyable read, but if someone told me they hadn't read it, I'd be like "Oh. Yeah, that's fine."


3. To Kill a Mockingbird. This book is fucking awesome and everyone should read it.


4. A Clockwork Orange. Wait, seriously? This is something EVERYONE should read. And the main reason given is it will leave you "breathless, livid, thrilled, and concerned." What? No.


Then we get into The Rights of Man, The Social Contract, The Art of War (what?), Walden (fuck Walden), and Plato's Republic. Ok, first off, no. If I live to 60, I might read The Rights of Man. MAYBE. But only because I'm pretty sure John Adams read it, and John Adams is my jam. If you read all the things listed there by the time you're 30, you're probably (definitely) an insufferable person.




Here's my list off the top of my head:


1. To Kill a Mockingbird - Because it's the BEST.


2. Gone With the Wind - Uh, because dudes might also enjoy it and it's awesome.


3. Harry Potter - Omg do you live under a rock? READ THIS AND JOIN THE CULTURE IN WHICH YOU LIVE.


4. Maus - Obviously.


5. The Screwtape Letters - Look, even if you don't believe in God, you should read this. It is excellent. And C.S. Lewis is spiffy.


6. Calvin & Hobbes - Read all of these. Done. You are now a good person.


I was going to say I was surprised fricking Origin of the Species wasn't on there, but OH LOOK IT WAS, I JUST MISSED IT BEFORE. Because Darwin's theories can't be summarized on Wikipedia, no. You DEFINITELY need to read his entire book before you're 30. Just in case you didn't grasp this whole natural selection thing yet despite everyone ever talking about it.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Harry Potter 2013 Readalong Signup Post of Amazingness and Jollity

Okay, people. Here it is. Where you sign up to read the entire Harry Potter series (or to reminisce fondly), starting January 2013, assuming we all survive the Mayan apocalypse. I don't think I'm even going to get to Tina and Bette's reunion on The L Word until after Christmas, so here's hopin'.


You guys know how this works. Sign up if you want to. If you're new to the blog, know that we are mostly not going to take this seriously. And when we do take it seriously, it's going to be all Monty Python quotes when we disagree on something like the other person's opinion on Draco Malfoy. So be prepared for your parents being likened to hamsters.

If you want to write lengthy, heartfelt essays, that is SWELL. But this is maybe not the readalong for you. It's gonna be more posts with this sort of thing:


We're starting Sorceror's/Philosopher's Stone January 4th. Posts will be on Fridays. The first post will be some sort of hilarious/awesome que…

How to Build a Girl Introductory Post, which is full of wonderful things you probably want to read

Acclaimed (in England mostly) lady Caitlin Moran has a novel coming out. A NOVEL. Where before she has primarily stuck to essays. Curious as we obviously were about this, I and a group of bloggers are having a READALONG of said novel, probably rife with spoilers (maybe they don't really matter for this book, though, so you should totally still read my posts). This is all hosted/cared for/lovingly nursed to health by Emily at As the Crowe Flies (and Reads) because she has a lovely fancy job at an actual bookshop (Odyssey Books, where you can in fact pre-order this book and then feel delightful about yourself for helping an independent store). Emily and I have negotiated the wonders of Sri Lankan cuisine and wandered the Javits Center together. Would that I could drink with her more often than I have.


INTRODUCTION-wise (I might've tipped back a little something this evening, thus the constant asides), I am Alice. I enjoy the Pleistocene era of megafauna and drinking Shirley Templ…

My Cousin Rachel by Daphne Du Maurier: DID SHE OR DIDN'T SHE

Daphne Du Maurier's 1951 My Cousin Rachel prompts the age-old question: what if you were a young dumb dumb with an estate in Cornwall who is convinced your charming, thoughtful, and recently-widowed cousin Rachel wants to abandon her native Italy forever and live with you, your dogs, and your elderly butler in a damp house by the sea. AFTER ALL WHO WOULDN'T.

Also she's a widow because she'd married your uncle who raised you who then recently died, so also this has just become the MOST oedipal and makes everyone feel gross thinking about it.




Said dumb dumb is Philip Ashley, who is 24 and aptly referred to in the recent film version as a "glorious puppy." He is so excited about some things. And so sulky about so many other things. He's our narrator, which here means he is our misogynistic, xenophobic lens through which to view all events. His uncle died in Italy soon after marrying Rachel. Said uncle suspected he was being poisoned. He also probably had a bra…