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Books You Should Read If You Want to Be a Terrible Person

Did you all see this? "30 Books Everyone Should Read Before Their 30th Birthday."

Katie, who is about to turn 30, sent me a link to it, saying "fuck that list."

Let's look at a few of these, shall we?

1. Siddhartha. Sure. Why not. This was given to me by my hippie English teacher in 7th grade. All I remember is that when I was done, I was glaring at telephone poles because they "were not part of the natural order." So if you want to be an asshole for a week, read Siddhartha.

2. 1984. REALLY? Do we really need to read 1984? Because I think everyone's gotten the message at this point. I'm sure that in the '40s this was a really stunning book, and it's an enjoyable read, but if someone told me they hadn't read it, I'd be like "Oh. Yeah, that's fine."

3. To Kill a Mockingbird. This book is fucking awesome and everyone should read it.

4. A Clockwork Orange. Wait, seriously? This is something EVERYONE should read. And the main reason given is it will leave you "breathless, livid, thrilled, and concerned." What? No.

Then we get into The Rights of Man, The Social Contract, The Art of War (what?), Walden (fuck Walden), and Plato's Republic. Ok, first off, no. If I live to 60, I might read The Rights of Man. MAYBE. But only because I'm pretty sure John Adams read it, and John Adams is my jam. If you read all the things listed there by the time you're 30, you're probably (definitely) an insufferable person.

Here's my list off the top of my head:

1. To Kill a Mockingbird - Because it's the BEST.

2. Gone With the Wind - Uh, because dudes might also enjoy it and it's awesome.

3. Harry Potter - Omg do you live under a rock? READ THIS AND JOIN THE CULTURE IN WHICH YOU LIVE.

4. Maus - Obviously.

5. The Screwtape Letters - Look, even if you don't believe in God, you should read this. It is excellent. And C.S. Lewis is spiffy.

6. Calvin & Hobbes - Read all of these. Done. You are now a good person.

I was going to say I was surprised fricking Origin of the Species wasn't on there, but OH LOOK IT WAS, I JUST MISSED IT BEFORE. Because Darwin's theories can't be summarized on Wikipedia, no. You DEFINITELY need to read his entire book before you're 30. Just in case you didn't grasp this whole natural selection thing yet despite everyone ever talking about it.


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