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Literary snobs make me want to throw sugared almonds

My niece has been christened. Thank God, right? Otherwise God might not know her name. (I might be unclear on how christening works despite being an elder at my church)

My little brother and I saw Resident Evil the five thousandth, and despite the plot essentially being "Escape from this compound!" and therefore pretty much a video game, it was enjoyed on most levels. They even had a Newt-type girl (watch Aliens, geeeeez). Also Michelle Rodriguez was there. And zombies. So many zombies. Do I need to add it passed the Bechdel Test? Don't all run to the theater at once, people.

Accidents will happen

So I tend to approach literature with a battle-toughened, 'fuck you, judgey people' approach. If you read enough stuff that isn't garbage, I think you have a right to this. You're not neglecting your brain. You're just every now and then feeding it books with lasers and dragons and ladies buying shoes & falling in love. But since I tend to mix up what I read with good and bad books, I tend to feel pretty impervious to condescending literary snobs. TEND TO. Because every so often, someone will have the right mix of genuinely caring about lit and never reading trash to make me feel like 'Oh. Maybe I'm dumbing everything down too much and deserve this pity they're offering me.'

And those times are not super-fun. They don't happen often. Maybe like four times a year. The rest of the time it's "OMG let's photoshop Jane Austen and George Eliot judging a pie eating contest."

But this all goes back to my Theory of Balance, which I've held since high school and which is basically the only way not to make you a really irritating person. If you only read Kant and Pynchon and Joyce, you're going to be really, really annoying. And if you only read Meg Cabot and Dean Koontz, you're going to be really, really annoying. But if you BALANCE each type of literature with the other, then you're 1) relatable on multiple levels, 2) not able to be judgey, 'cause hah, look at some of the crap you read, 3) able to take yourself less seriously. People who take themselves too seriously will not be able to handle the inevitable time when they fall on their ass in the snow, say, perhaps outside Union Station in Chicago while wearing a backpack.

Authors in the canon are great. Weirdo obscure awesome authors outside the canon are great. And according to my friend Doug, Dean Koontz is great. So let's stick with not being asshole literature snobs, because let's face it, a lot of that stuff's not nearly as much fun as the Fear Street series was.


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