The Woman in White: The Finishining

Omg. We're done.

This is probably the main downside of having a readalong that stretches from Los Angeles to Long Island — we can't all go to a bar and get drunk while talking about Count Fosco and how he somehow BEATS US AT MARIAN-LOVE. I was like "NO, NO ONE SHALL EQUAL THE INTENSITY OF MY FEELINGS FOR THIS CHARACTER," and then he went all "I worshipped her with the volcanic ardour of eighteen."

I'm too tired for that kind of intensity. I got some stuff I wanna watch on youtube.

But for reals. FOR REALS. Count Fosco's narrative was the best. Even though it doesn't have Mr Fairlie's "What have I to do with her bosom?" Best Question Ever in it, it's narrated by the Perpetual Arch-Master of the Rosicrucian Masons of Mesopotamia, and that's all I need.

Fosco is well aware of our feelings for him.

We started this novel a suspicious group of people talking about a man with a giant forehead. Now I think I would've joined Wilkie's little weirdo harem back in the day, just so he and I could fangirl Marian and I could make him write a novella from Mr Fairlie's POV.

"The best men are not consistent in good — why should the worst men be consistent in evil?"

Ugh so great. I just want this whole post to be GIFs about how I feel about the book. Example:

Wilkie re-introduces Pesca. PESCA! And he's all "I don't know if you remembe—" and I was like "OF COURSE I REMEMBER HIM DO NOT INSULT HIM BY THINKING HE COULD BE FORGOTTEN." And then they went to the opera, even if it was an opera noooo one does anymore, and Fosco redeemed himself in my eyes completely by being RESPECTFUL OF THE SINGERS — TAKE NOTE, AMERICA. Sure, he disinherited a girl and had her put in a madhouse, but HE CLAPPED AT THE RIGHT TIMES. And then he talked about how much he loves Marian. So. Fosco's a-ok in my book.

The ONLY THING I can't figure out is why he married the Countess. WHY. I mean, he's all "It's great having a lady to be all worshipful of me" but she...I'm SURE he could have had his pick of a decent number of ladies. It just seems weird.

Anne was NOT the Count's daughter, which I'd ended up hoping because that would add a whole layer of psychological shit, but this is all right because we got a weirdass plot involving Secret Societies and I was all "Hey, Da Vinci Code" but then not because POLITICAL and then A MAN WITH A SCAR was there and then it was Da Vinci Codeish again, because identifying a dude based on one characteristic (albino!) is all the rage. 

I'm fine with Walter and Laura getting married and the three of them living in their little commune. At LEAST it's different from Dickens. And I love Dickens. I really, really do, but he always does the same things, and there's really no way in a billion years (maybe in a billion) that he'd write female characters anywhere near as awesome as Marian. He wrote Bella Wilfer and then he "put her in her place." Asshole.

I can finish this with nothing but sadness, camp buddies. April is over, and with it, our Monday reading posts (or...Tuesday to Friday for some of us). I shall pack up my sunscreen and bug repellent, only to leave them in my bag for a year and find them when I start packing again. Does sunscreen expire? Probably. Damnit.

And now all I can tell you is to go to 8:20 of this vid. I don't think you need sound. The visual is enough.

Goodbye, Woman in White. We shall never forget you.